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Is it my fault?

There is nothing Makeup cannot hide that’s what I tell myself everyday. But My body has become a canvas print of scars I have got from him disciplining me.I have Mastered the art of wearing a perfect smile. I can’t , I will not lose face. Everything is perfect . It’s perfect isn’t it. He is very successful in life just as he is very successful in destroying the best parts of me. It’s a little hot but this Gucci scarf he bought me last week will do just fine. There is no way they can see his hand marks when he tried to choke the remaining life out of me. He says he loves me a lot and he just can’t control his anger sometimes.I know it’s my fault I made him angry when I asked him to watch the babies for a couple of minutes while i get the laundry out side before a downpour. It was very disrespectful of me to say that. He said he was sorry afterwards but I don’t see why he had to apologize.

I am the one who disrespected him. I just remember the twins shaking me awake. I almost lost these two beauties once when he beat the living hell out of me when we got home after that scan.. it is my fault I gave birth to two girls. He says they are not his because in his family all first born children are always boys .I had to cut my hair when he literally pulled my braids out by the roots telling me to confess who the father of my two unborn children was I swear he is the only man who has ever touched me.. he didn’t like my short hair.. I remember I couldn’t hear a thing for a couple of days after he slapped me for not asking for permission to cut my hair. I should fully engage my husband in all my decisions isn’t it. I was wrong. Even after the DNA tests and how exactly like his mother how my two daughters look he still not convinced these two toddlers are his. He says it makes him less of a man that I gave him two girls. Not one but two. What a disgrace. Well i should end their lives and mine when they are still young because I can’t bare to have my children ask me why mama is crying anymore. Make up can hide the scars and the bruises and I can lie to the public but as my children grow I can’t lie to them anymore.

I have my toddlers calming me down. mama don’t cry. When I should be calming them down. What am I doing really? I said I wanted a divorce and he said the only way I was leaving him was in a coffin. I notified the police once. The officer who came by was his friend and all I remember is waking up in the ICU five days later. I can’t tell anyone no one will believe me since he is a well respected mam and he is an has a high position at work and at church. I told my mother. she said no one is perfect and should find a way to love him either way. I used to love this man but now I fear him. Craaaaack. And I black out. I wonder what it is this time. What ever it is , l believe it’s my fault.

So according to me #StewieLeSavage today we are celebrating the fourth day of the sixteen days of activism against gender based violence with Samkelisumusa Makombe.


Published by According to Stewie Le Savage

Tackling your day to day issues and introducing you to new people that might inspire you. Everything according to me #StewieLeSavage a self taught writer who believes that change is possible. Best Humanitarian Blog Award Winner for 2021 under the Zim Bloggers Awards.

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