Why Do I Speak So Loud?

If you do not speak about your pain, they will kill you and say that you enjoyed it
-Zora Neale Hurston

My mother became a mother before she became a woman.
Her voice buried somewhere within the noise of misinformation
And her protests overpowered by the so called voice of reason
Convincing her that the begining of puberty was the end of childhood

I speak so loud because
In my head i can see her
Drowning..in the predator’s arms
In my heart i can feel hers
Beating fast, needing an excuse to escape
The blood rushing to her head
Blocking out all the other voices but his
I’m trying to get her to hear me
So that she knows that what’s happening to her is wrong
That a teacher cannot be a teacher and a sexual partner
That she is a child and he might as well be her father.
I speak so loud because…
Somewhere between the loud noise of tradition and peer-pressure
I’m sure she can hear my voice
Calling out to her, calling her to safety
Assuring her that consent can be revoked
And they’re wrong to say it is all her fault.
I speak so loud because i want her to hear my voice
To turn around and tell him no.

I speak so loud because i want him to hear me
The predator,
I want him to hear my voice and shiver
To turn around, tail tucked between his legs.
I want him to know that if i were to see him I’d strike him dead
Slay him like the monster he is
I want him to know that i know
What he is and I’m not afraid to let the whole world know.
That I’m ready to pull off his sheep-mask
And show everybody that he really is a wolf.
I speak so loud because I’m tired of such men
Thinking young girls have nobody to fight for them.

I speak so loud because my mother is not the only one
She wasn’t the first and she isn’t the last
Victim of misplaced incest-like lust
Taken advantage of by authority figures we are supposed to trust
And our society defends them so fast
These monsters.
The needs of young women always come last.
And i won’t lie, i am furious.
And so i speak so loud because i want everybody to know
That i am absolutely on their side.
I speak so loud because nobody else
wants to be caught dead defending women with childless fathers
Nobody wants to admit that the people who turn them into mothers are people they trusted to treat them like fathers.
I speak so loud because somebody out there
Who needs to know that we are not enjoying this.

Today is the last day of the 16 days of Activism against Gender Based Violence and we are celebrating it alongside Sibonginkosi Netha. Thank you